Manage your inner chimp
It is completely natural to get annoyed by other people. We are social animals after all. However, once that instance of annoyance has passed, we have a choice about how we then deal with the situation. We can chose to let our ‘inner chimp’ rule the day and react from a place of emotion regardless of the consequences, or we can engage our human part of our brains, and respond from a place of empathy and reason. If we really stop and think, we can then engage what Professor Steve Peters calls the ‘computer’, which is short hand for our pre-frontal cortex, and recall what has happened in previous similar situations that you have found yourself, what you did, what the consequences were. It also looks at how you dealt with it, and invokes learnings from those past experiences, and applies them.
Frustratingly for us, our inner chimp has the biological upper hand, and will always react and not respond. It only sees the threat and will respond accordingly. However, if we follow our inner chimp, ‘we’ll find ourselves taking action or lashing out before we’ve had a chance to think things through – and this can lead to us saying and doing things we might later regret.’[1].
So how do we invoke our human and computer parts, and reduce conflict and chaos in our lives? Professor Peters has written extensively about this subject, but for me there are three stand out tips:
1. Don’t supress your chimp. Let it speak it’s mind, but ideally, not to the person you are engaged in conflict with, but to an impartial friend, a therapist or via your journal. You may find the chimp in you simply gets bored of itself and moves on.
2. Get your self esteem from who you are, not what you do. Our chimp brains always want to fit in with the troop, and will define success by fitting in with social and external expectations, such as having the ‘right’ job and the nicest car. True happiness comes from living a life in accordance with your values. These values are what true friends will value in you, and you value in them, not external labels.
3. Live a life in accordance with your values, and reflect on this. ‘Once you are clear on what moral, ethical beliefs you hold, you can work out how to live up to these values. If, for example, your value is to respect others, then think about how you can demonstrate this.’[2]. Professor Peters suggests that you reflect on this for 5-10 minutes a day, to engage your human brain.
Esse Therapy specialises in getting you back in touch with your values, so if you want to explore this, or how to manage your inner chimp, then get in touch.
[1] https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1NJby3Lm80zxMpw5k53xJct/how-to-manage-your-inner-chimp
[2] https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1NJby3Lm80zxMpw5k53xJct/how-to-manage-your-inner-chimp
