Accept what you cant control
The rise of 24/7 news at our fingertips and the omnipresence of the perceived lives of others via social media means that our homes, minds and workplaces are bombarded with things that we cannot control. It has always been the case that most things are outside of our control, but it has never before been the case that we are continuously surrounded by their presence, particularly in places where we go to rest and recuperate. In his 2003 book ‘The Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners think differently’, social psychologist Professor Richard Nisbett expressed the view that ‘Westerners also have a tendency to overestimate their agency and the things they can actually influence’, and it is easy to how this trend is becoming increasingly problematic, leading to increased feelings of overwhelm, stress, panic, anxiety, depression and loneliness.
However, this is not a new issue. The Stoic philosophers in ancient Greece and Rome considered that ‘in our control are our thoughts, emotions, and interpretations, as well as our reactions and actions. These are the things that we should focus on and work to improve.’ By way of contrast, they considered that things that are outside of our control include ‘other people’s actions, feelings, and opinions of us, the weather, the economy, and random events in life. These are the things that we should not waste our energy worrying about.’[1].
This idea was brought back into modern focus by Stephen Covey in his book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. He suggested splitting down issues into those you can control, those you can influence and those that you care about but cannot control, which has lead rise to lots of new research and writing on this topic. This concept is now regularly used in therapy, and the below diagram from https://positivepsychology.com/circles-of-influence is particularly useful.
Circles of control diagram
It is worth spending 5 minutes looking at the above diagram and applying it to your life, as ‘accepting the idea that there are some things that we simply cannot control can be profoundly liberating’, can ‘help stop unhelpful ruminating’, and ‘can help us let go of anxiety and stress and focus on the things that we can actually change.’[2]. A quick and easy step you can take now to start feeling more in control of your life.
